Two weeks before the Super Bowl David Wright and I were having lunch, and we were discussing the Super Bowl. He likes to discuss football with me because Iím the only person on Earth who knows less about football than he does. I used to think there were 12 people on a team, and he finally convinced me there were only 11. Actually I counted them. I recorded a game, put it on pause and counted the players, and Dave was right.

After we had a thorough discussion about the Super Bowl, we both predicted the Chicago Bears would win. We actually thought it would be a laugher because they have a superior defense. We foolishly thought that Rex Grossman would rise to the occasion and not play like an idiot. After the conversation (and I feel somewhat guilty about this), I called my bookie, knowing full well that the Bears situation was hopeless, and asked to bet $10,000 on Indianapolis. He said he could not take a bet that large, so I only bet $10. It felt like I was stealing because I knew that after David and I had predicted the Bears would win, they had no chance. At the end of the game they should have said two words to Rex Grossman, ĎYouíre firedí, and go on from there.

Today the other shoe fell. We were originally pulling for San Diego, and we thought that San Diego had the best team in professional football. After they lost to the Patriots, which was brought about by a series of miraculous events, they still ended up with the best record in the history of the team, 14Ė2. Both David and I thought Marty Schottenheimer was an underrated coach, and this would be his year to establish his place in history. However, instead of establishing his place in history, he was fired. I have received several death threats, and Iím in hiding. Someone told Schottenheimer that Dave and I were pulling for him, and he understood that was the kiss of death.

I plan on spending the next few months in South America, hoping that they will forgive and forget.

Your Faithful Servant
Donald M. Heavrin Back To Menu