The phone rang at 6 a.m. Because Manual beat PRP 42 to zip the night before, I knew it couldn‚t be another bout of depression. I looked at caller ID and sure enough it was David‚s number, however it wasn‚t David who was calling, it was his wife, the lovely Paula.

She said that David, John, George, and Tim were in jail and she wanted me to go down town and get them out. Paula only had tidbits of information but she thought the crew had been celebrating the win and had been locked up for disorderly conduct.

Damn, what a way to start a Saturday. But I couldn‚t allow my friends to sit in jail, so I dressed and drove down town. In the visiting room, Dave said the group was arrested while they were trying to turn a car over. Fortunately it was a heavy car and the crew couldn‚t turn it over. I quietly asked, "Why did you want to turn the car over?"

George answered, "We wanted to turn it over and set it on fire."

"What huh?"

David provided the details; "You know every time a team wins the world series or a super bowl, the women fans express their delight by exposing their upper bodies and the men turn over cars and burn them."

"Were there any girls involved in this celebration?"

"No but we all ripped off our shirts and exposed our breasts while we were trying to turn over the car."

"Good lord! I‚m glad I‚m retired and missed that elegant spectacle. Otherwise I wouldn‚t have been able to eat solid food for a week. And while I‚m thinking about it, I don‚t remember Manual winning the World Series or the Super Bowl. I thought they beat PRP."

Tim who is usually quiet yelled. "Wait, wait, you don‚t understand, Manual never beats PRP. You remember the year when Manual couldn‚t make a first down when it was third down and inches and then PRP won on a hail Mary pass."

"Yes, I‚m remember the game it‚s one of the reasons I‚ve retired."

Then George started yelling, "The referee is a bum and will always be a bum." While John yelled; "That wasn‚t a clip you idiot. Boo boo."

The crew suddenly looked vacant and started to drool in unison. I carefully stood up, no sudden motions, and walked slowly out of the visiting room. As I was leaving I promised I would be in court at nine sharp for the arraignment, and true to my word I was there at nine. When their cases were called I told the judge to set a high bond, because these men were dangerous.

Next week I‚m not answering any calls, either for either depression or celebrations. Just in case, when I got home I ripped the phone out. Back To Menu